"Walls keep people out, Boundaries teach them where the door is."
The Spring Cleaning Continues.
Week #1: Believe in yourself
Week #2: Clearing Clutter
And, Here we are with probably the most challenging week;
#3 Healthy Boundaries
The reason it's one of the most challenging, is that many of us are taught to be "nice", "play well with others", "acquiesce", "be soft"
and our society (especially if you're over 40) has taught us
to "put up and shut up."
Conversly, if we speak up, speak out or as questions;
we are labeled aggressive, nasty or even "B-ch"
Growing up in the 70's- I was blessed to have a very feminist mother; who divorced my father at 32; got a drivers license, a job, and "GASP";
a checking account! (of course, my father still had to sign for her.)
Not an easy thing to do in the early 70's-
although the hippies had been paving the way with the bra burning
and free love- but they were also much younger.
Not easy for a woman with 4 children.
To be clear:
Gloria Steinem, and Shere Hite were a still a few years away (Mid-to late 70's)
But, this isn't about them- per se.
It's about US, and more specifically YOU.
Many people I work with still have difficulty drawing healthy boundaries.
I can safely say that it is a universal challenge with most of my clients.
Last year, I was hired by a group of high powered business women (in the financial industry) to teach a class on "Navigating Toxic Relationships"-
Yowza, that Zoom meeting was on fire- almost everyone could relate to having a challenging relationship.
A spouse, a child, a co-worker, a boss, a neighbor, a "frenemy"...
the list goes on.
We had a lively conversation; and I outlined
some strategies that they could incorporate.
One Important point I want to make.
When dealing with relationships- there is NOT a one size fits all strategy,
NOR is it the same for every situation.
Many people choose to stay in relationships for their own reasons.
You must make the decisions from your own heart-
but I offer a framework to help you to navigate.
Where my teachings begin- is how to manage your own energy; no matter what.
If you'd like to learn how to have better boundaries in your life, so you can reclaim your own energy-
✔1) Be direct. State your response in a positive way: "I'd like to help, but I can't do it now" (don't apologize)
✔2) Be firm. State your answer clearly (and recognize your desire to please them- at your own expense)
✔3) Offer an alternative. Try this: "I know you're resourceful, so if you can't figure it out by _____, then let me know, and I'll try to help."
🌻The result of setting better boundaries?
Self-Respect. By far, clients love #3 the most. It is empowering and it is giving the responsibility back to the person.
They always found a way to figure it out.
Need help putting up boundaries, with co-workers, family members or other relationships?
Get crystal clear on what you will and will not tolerate; say "NO" in a clear and direct way.
Try the 3 steps outlined above and let me know how it works out for you.
Give up the "people pleasing" or the "good girl syndrome"-
You can still be the kind, caring and wonderful person you are, just not at the expense of your own well-being.
💥You can best teach people about healthy boundaries
by enforcing yours. 💥
LOVE YOU ALL!
PS: Still feeling wonky and need additional support?
It's important to believe in yourself and shine your light again.
If you've been playing it small and safe (and I understand these past few years haven't been easy for many); now is the time to get BACK ON TRACK, reclaim your power and live to the true reason you were put on this earth.